BaD MoRnInG, AkAtSuKi
by OxVanillaPeachesxO
Summary: For some weird reason, Pein wants Kishiko to join his little cult I MEAN organization, though it's proving quite difficult to capture her...just ask any of the Akatsuki members. Slight Kakuzu/OC if you squint really hard...random crack my MWUAH!
1. Deidara and Tobi

**Me: Hola senors and senoritas! (and some in between) ARE YOU READY FOR THE NEXT JAMES BOND MOVIE?!? ARE YOU?!**

**Random crowd: YEAH!!!!!**

**Me: Well, too bad, cuz this is just a fanfic. ;D**

**Everyone: Aww...**

**Me: Meh, can up and let me explain the story! Sheesh...anywho, another one of my random, fast-updating fanfictions...ANYWAYS!!!! If you have a basic understanding of the English language (I REALLY hope so...) then the title is BaD MoRnInG, AkAtSuKi (no, not Bad Morning, Akatsuki, BaD MoRnInG, AkAtSuKi)**

**Read!**

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It was the average morning for me, waking up to find one of my favorite bedroom windows smashed to little glistening pieces of glass. I raised an eyebrow and frowned slightly.

_'Aw damn, that was my fav window...awweh, time for breakie!' _I thought, shrugging a weird feeling off and getting dressed in my normal black, baggy shorts with TONS of pockets, neon red t-shirt with the word "Nuu" in bold, black capital letters across the front, and the odd fishnet underneath those.

I sensed two incredibly strong chakra forms in my living room, so I shrugged and put on a forced smile.

"Sorry that you wondered in my house, but I can't let you live after this..." I muttered under my breath, rehearsing my lines, and I grinned a genuine grin this time. I snatched a couple of kunai and shuriken off my table and tied my headband around my forehead, ready for a quick kill. "Too bad Seduna won't be here to watch. She always loved violence."

I took a deep breath and waltzed out of my room casually, expecting a couple of hungry rogue ninja begging for scraps. To my great shock, Deidara and Tobi were on my couch arguing. Well, Deidara was punching Tobi, and Tobi was trying to dodge.

"Uh...guys? Do ya mind getting off my couch now?" I asked, but my words hit deaf ears as they continued arguing, so I took a deep breath, walked over to them, and screamed at the very tip-top of my lungs, "GET THE HELL OFF MY COUCH NOW!"

They were both sent crashing into the wall behind my TV, and I mock-dusted the couch with an invisible duster. "Ah, just how I like it; relatively clean and Akatsuki-member free."

"Oi Senpai, Tobi told you this was Kishi-chan's house..." a certain masked-man groaned to Deidara, who was grumbling angrily about "girls and their stupid mood swings, un..."

Then the blonde bomb artist sent a "death glare" my way, and I grinned crookedly. He shouted, "What the hell was that for, un?!"

I shrugged nonchalantly and threw my weapons on my wonderfully free couch.

"Eh, I asked peacefully at first, and you ignored me. Not my problem the Akatsuki have major hearing problems," I responded lightly and plopped down on the couch, grabbing the remote, and I started flipping through the channels, bored out of my insane mind.

By that point, Deidara was steaming like an overused sauna, and was glowering at a sniggering Tobi like he wanted to turn him into Tobi dango. Oo, speaking of dango...

"Meh, screw you," the bomb artist mumbled and I couldn't help but let a sly smile slide smoothly (wow, say that four times fast) across my face. "Well, we didn't come here for nothing, so are you coming peacefully, un?"

I cocked one of my eyebrows at him and my mind did a silent _'yes' _as I passed by my favorite zombie movie, _Shaun of the Dead. _It was only about a half an hour into the movie, so I turned to it and glanced back at Deidara.

"Whaddya mean 'coming peacefully'? Who said I was going anywhere, DeiDei?" I snorted and could already imagine the tomato face of Deidara when I called him that. I could practically here the billowing smoke steaming out of his ears in a comical fashion. I cast my gaze momentarily at Tobi, who was poking his newly-acquired head wound and giggling quietly. _'And the age-old question pops in my mind: How the hell did these two get to join the Akatsuki? One's a complete girl in disguise, and the other...well, the other one is just Tobi.'_

"God, you really are the idiot Itachi said you were, aren't you?" Deidara growled, and again, I shrugged casually, snickering quietly as Shaun blew off his Mum's head with a shotgun.

"God, you really are the feminine freak Sasuke said you were, aren't you?" I retorted and stuck my tongue out evilly at the fuming blonde. I could totally see how Tobi got a kick out of this; Deidara made it _way _too easy. "Anyways, I'm not going anywhere without getting some breakfast. Jeez, you Akatsuki are the worst stalkers ever; don't you know I don't leave the house without some form of breakfast food?"

That really set the blonde off, and he stomped over to me threateningly, though I paid no heed to it. He snapped, "Dammit, will you just come on?! You're dumber than Tobi, un!"

I glared at him and stood up. "Excuse me? First you get blood all in my walls, and then you insult me? Oh, there's no fudging _way _I'm going with you wussies now."

"I'M NOT A WUSS!" Deidara yelled and I nodded in agreement.

"Well yeah, you're not a wuss," I replied and Deidara seemed to calm down the slightest bit. Right into my bear trap. "I said you're a wuss_y."_

Even Tobi laughed at that, and the bomb artist screamed in frustration and ran out, shrieking like the little girl he was, "GAH, I CAN'T TAKE YOU ANYMORE! TOBI, COME ON, WE'LL GET SOMEONE ELSE TO CAPTURE HER!"

I shot a sideways glance at the masked goofball before he left, though when he passed by me, he leaned down and murmured quietly, "You're better than I am at pissing off Deidara."

_'Uh, did Tobi just not use third-person speak? Totally odd...' _I thought as the bipolar man waved and disappeared, probably to find his Senpai.

I ran a hand through my hair and shrugged slightly. My stomach rumbled and I grinned. _'Dango...'_

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**Me: El oh el, just a random one-shot I had in my effed-up mind. I think I'm gonna make a sequel to this, where Itachi and Kisame try and take Kishiko. ^^ Can't wait to see how they commit an epic fail, eh?**

**R&R!**

**-Peachuz =3**


	2. Itachi and Kisame

**Me: I have changed my mind; the "sequel" to EnTeRtAiN tHe AkAtSuKi is no more...it shall be...CHAPTERS! BWAHAHAHAHAHA, INGENIOUS RIGHT!?! Otay, I'll stop ranting like Konan with PMS issues, and you can read. ^^**

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I was in the forest trying to summon magical aliens from the Melexia galaxy, Sector J, Planet Yuton, who would be able to control fire-breathing frogs at whim. Yes, I know, I don't need your rude comments on my brain cells.

"C'mon baby...just a little bit more..." I mumbled and continued performing the Yutonian Summon Dance while humming. "Mika Mika Chuki Chuki La La..."

I felt a presence that was awfully similar to DeiDei's, and I finished my dance. What, were Deidara and Tobi coming back to try to "capture me" or whatever?

"Yo DeiDei, if you've come back to try and force me to join the Akatsuki or whatever your wussy group is, you're gonna have to catch meeeeeeeee!" I called over my shoulder and dashed back to my house in a full-out sprint.

As I entered the house, a strong hand grabbed my shoulder and slammed me to the ground. I frowned and back-flipped back up from the ground to find myself face-to-face with Kisame of the Akatsuki.

"SHARK BOY! But wait, last time I watched the movie, I don't think you had a sword or whatever the hell that thing is," I exclaimed and poked his sword curiously. Kisame slapped my hand away and a black-haired, emo-looking dude appeared next to him in a big 'poof' cloud.

"Kisame, hurry up and grab the girl. Deidara said she had a big mouth," the emo said and I immediately recognized him as...Justin Timberlake, my long-lost brother.

"BROTHER!" I cried and tackle-hugged him back to my previous position, tears spilling out of my eyes. "JUSTIN, oh how I've missed you so! By the way, your hit with Ciara was KILLER."

Justin glared at me and shoved me off of him, brushing his weird cloak off. Kisame was snickering darkly, and I raised an eyebrow at my brother.

"Justin, did Shark Boy rape you or something? You seemed pissed off at someone. I also have a big feeling that if I don't stop talking right now, someone's gonna chop my head off like a giant turkey," I denounced and vanished back into my house, racing towards the fridge to snatch my Yutonian Summoning Scythe. "Welp, it was nice seeing you two chaps again, but I'm off to summon my aliens in the woods, if you need me."

This time though, both Shark Boy and my emo brother just glared at me, though Justin Timberlake slash Itachi-kun was trying to use his weird ocular powers to melt me. I grinned like a goofball and skipped innocently back to the woods, with the two Akatsuki members tailing me.

"Grab her Weasel, and let's go!" Kisame was grumbling to my bro, though Itachi-kun had that odd emotionless expression on his face. He was a good actor, I admitted to myself.

"Deidara was right...she's also incredibly--"

"Stupid? Idiotic? Adorable? Dumb? Happy to finish my long-lost brother's sentence for him," I interrupted, and again, Justin tried to glare me into the ground beneath my shoes. "Justin...why do you keep glaring at me like a psycho?"

"Don't ever call me 'Justin' again," the Uchiha snapped and I shrugged.

"Suit yourself; instead--wait, OMG, I know who you are!!" I cried suddenly, grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to the point where our noses were touching. "Good God-all-mighty, you're Elvis Presley! You obviously have the hair, but where's my big brother?!"

Itachi sweatdropped, but Kisame on the other hand was busting up behind the disco-king. I cast a confused look at the fish man before looking back at Itachi.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" the raven-haired Uchiha cried and slapped his forehead. Again, I shrugged and flashed a goofy grin. Then I began singing "Hound Dog" with Kisame, and Itachi/Justin Timberlake/Elvis Presley ripped out his hair and starting running away.

"Hey, no copying DeiDei!" I called after him sternly and Kisame fell on the ground, laughing his guts out.

"Come ON Kisame, let's get the hell out of here! I can't take her anymore; someone else needs to capture her!" Itachi screamed and Kisame sighed, and disappeared in a big 'poof' cloud again. I looked at the spot for a moment before shrugging nonchalantly, and, humming the rest of "Hound Dog" to myself, I made my way back into the forest, to finish summoning my aliens.

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**Me: Oops, uh, heheh, sorry I haven't updated in awhile; the new year brings TONS of homework for poor me...anyways, I need some ideas about who should be next; should I have Hidan and Kakuzu try, or should I just have Pein finally cave and go with Konan to capture the psycho Kishiko?**


	3. Hidan and Kakuzu

**Me: Welcome to the dark corner of my mind, fellow readers (evil maniacal laughter) I do believe it is time for me to continue BaD MoRnInG AkAtSuKi, don't you agree?**

**Hidan: NO, I don't (bleep)ing agree! I don't (bleep)ing wanna deal with (bleep)ing Kishiko!**

**Me: =.= Just shut up and get into the story, will ya?! WARNING: This chapter contains a WHOOOOLE lot of Hidan Potty-mouth, so be warned. =D**

**Kakuzu: Disclaimer: Unfortunately, OxVanillaPeachesxO does NOT own Naruto, because if she did...I think all of the Akatsuki would be wearing hula skirts right now...O_o**

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I was curled up on my couch in the morning, holding a bowl of Captain Crunch in one hand and a half-empty (take notice in the pessimistic attitude) box of tissues. As any normal person would be, I was watching my favorite soap, _Days of Our Lives. _A couple of involuntary tears were shedding, and one needs to take precautions, of course.

A loud banging on my door made me jump and I paused the TV, muttering angrily about ninjas and their bad-timing. I marched up to the door, swung it open, and tilted my head slightly when I saw Hidan and Kakuzu standing impatiently at the door.

"Erm...is this another one of the Akatsuki's scheme to come and 'capture' me?" I blurted out suddenly and flicked a stray tear from my cheek, about to get my Amy Rose-style hammer out from my closet. "Sheesh, to think it took you people long enough..."

"_You're _this Kishiko girl who everyone says is 'dangerous'?" Kakuzu had a dubious glint in his eyes, and I shrugged.

"Depends. Who's everyone?"

"Everyone at the fucking Akatsuki base, duh," Hidan swore and I wagged a finger at him instantly.

"Naughty Hidan. It's not-not nice to cuss in front of a lady!" I scolded and Kakuzu smirked when Hidan cussed again. "Did I not just say--"

A loud growling stopped me in mid-sentence, and suddenly, all eyes were on a certain Jashin worshipper's stomach.

I snickered and said in a sing-song voice, "Looks like SOMEONE'S getting hungry. Need some Captain C. Hidan, or does 'Jashin' not allow his little servants to eat breakfast anymore?"

"Shut the hell up," Hidan grumbled and Kakuzu and I both laughed darkly. I swiveled around and waltzed back in, only stopping to turn my head halfway.

"Are you guys coming or WHAT? I'm missing my soaps, you know." Bipolar Kakuzu sweatdropped and Potty-mouth Hidan started turning red.

"Will you just fucking come with us already?!"

"Jeez Hidan, that cussing is growing old fast." I hit 'play' on the TV remote and plopped down on the couch. "Imma need you to find a better hobby if you want me to come with you guys."

The silver-haired (in my opinion) Jashin emo started fuming, and Kakuzu stepped forward, almost hesitantly.

"Hey...is that _Days of Our Lives?! _I absolutely LOVE that show, but it costs too much to get SoapNet in HD back home," he said and I patted the couch next to me. Finally, someone who shares my opinion for the cost of soaps nowadays!

I spoke, "Well, I got the HD. Grab a bowl of cereal or popcorn, your choice, and come watch!" Hidan's jaw slammed through the floor as Kakuzu sped to the kitchen to grab a bowl of extra-buttery popcorn, and was back in an instant on the couch with me. We completely ignored Hidan as we munched on popcorn and cereal, crying and hugging each other at the appropriate times, laughing when necessary.

Throughout the entire time, Hidan was pacing by the doorway, mumbling furiously about partners. Every now-and-then, I cast him a look that said "You have some issues" but other than that, I paid no heed to his random outbursts and grumbling like a crazy person.

Kakuzu and I ended up watching a whole _season _of _Days of Our Lives _and by the time we had cried it out, it was close to midnight.

"Boy 'Kuzu, I never knew watching the soaps with you would be soooooo fun!" I sighed contently when we were done, flipping some 400 channels back to watch a rerun of _CSI: Miami. _"Much more fun than watching them with Sasuke, that revenge-obsessed freak..."

"Oo, how's about we watch _As the World Turns _next?! I think I saw the whole season while we were switching episodes!" Kakuzu suggested and I almost squealed, if Hidan hadn't snapped suddenly. I immediately found myself tossed over his shoulder like a sack of dirty laundry and he had Kakuzu by the ear.

"Alright, I'm fucking sick and tired of you two and your damn soaps, so we'll be leaving now." I pouted and instinctively kicked Hidan's family jewels, and he let go of me. "Um, OW!"

I snatched Kakuzu from the Jashin worshipper's grip and ran away screaming, "'KUZU, RUN AWAAAAAAAAY BEFORE HE GETS HIS SCYTHE OUT!"

He was already next to me, "Don't have to tell ME twice!"

We dashed through the woods, barely avoiding trees and miniscule dust particles, and finally I tripped over thin air and crashed to the ground, though Kakuzu picked me up and dove behind a thick tree trunk.

"WHAT THE HELL KAKUZU! WHO'S FUCKING SIDE ARE YOU ON?!" I bet right then and there that even people in the village (which was nearly 20 miles away) could hear his P. Oed scream.

Kakuzu and I were breathing heavily from all the running, and we shot each other looks.

He snickered quietly.

I giggled softly.

Instantly, we both fell on the grass, laughing our buttocks off. Our laughing attracted Hidan and he found us, dying of mass laughter, and Hidan started huffing and puffing.

"Like the big-bad wolf ready to blow your straw house down," I murmured to Kakuzu, sending out even more sniggering. Sheesh, were ALL the Akatsuki this easy to tick off? If so, I just had found myself the easiest job in the world! (non-paying of course. 'Kuzu made sure of THAT)

"Alright, alright, alright," Kakuzu said as we sat up, the last of chuckles floating away into the night, "don't get all pissed at me. So I watched a few soaps--"

"A few very _expensive _soaps," I corrected with a goofy grin. 'Kuzu laughed briskly. "But continue on."

"Yeah, like 'Shiko said, a few very expensive soaps, and had something to eat. No need to get all crazy-Jashinist on me!" Hidan fumed, clutched at his head and scrambled away hastily.

"AGH, I'M OUTTA HERE! LEADER'S JUST GONNA HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO CAPTURE THIS GIRL, BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL CAN'T!" he screamed and disappeared into the night, and I glanced at Kakuzu.

"...So, wanna go watch those _As the World Turns _episodes?" I asked. Kakuzu grinned and we both raced back to my house, totally forgetting about his silver-haired partner.

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**Me: Ah, don't you just love it when Hidan and Kakuzu are 'temporarily' separated by soap operas? I know I do! (Which is probably why I wrote about it x3) Anywho, review some more and I'll write the final chapter, Pein and Konan! A little twist at the end ALWAAAAYS makes it better, but maybe I'll write an epilogue; think that'd be a good idea?**

**Tobi (appearing out of nowhere): Well Brianna-senpai, that's what the little white-and-green button down there is for! See, Tobi is smart too!!**

**Me: Mhm...just keep believing that Tobi...just keep believing...**

**-Peachuz =D**


	4. Pein and Konan

**Me: Welcome, welcome, WELCOME. I do believe it is sincerely time for me (OxVanillaPeachesxO) to write the final chapter of BMA, and it is time for YOU (loyal readers) to read and review it! This time, Pein and Konan have decided to take matters for Operation: CAPTURE KISHIKO into their own capable (or maybe _in_capable) hands. Let's see...I'm pretty sure I didn't forget anything, so onto the sto--**

**Hinata: N-No Peaches-sama, you forgot the disclaimer...**

**Me: And that is why I keep you around, Hinata. *ahem* I will possibly NEVA own Naruto: Shippuden, or any FORM of Naruto anime, so keep the characters you recognize for Masashi Kishimoto! I only own this well-thought-out, extraordinary plot. Okay, so maybe I was lying about the wonderful plot chiz...yes.**

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)(In the Akatsuki base)(

Pein was having a special meeting with his clan, his temples squeezing with an oncoming migraine. Everyone was arguing loudly about their latest mission, Operation: CAPTURE KISHIKO. Surprisingly, no one could manage to bring her back to the base, because she was insanely _irritating. _According to Hidan, she had also reeled in Kakuzu and persuaded him to stay and watch expensive soaps.

Pein wasn't having a good week.

"ALRIGHT, SHUT THE HELL UP!" he shouted and everyong piped down instantly, though Deidara and Kisame were having a glare-off silently. "Good. Now, it seems like none of you wimps managed to bring back the girl, so it seems like it's time for me to try myself."

Tobi and Kisame fell off their fingers ungracefully, Deidara gasped, Itachi and Hidan's jaws slammed all the way down to the floor, and both Zetsu's eyebrows literally disappeared.

Pein cast his bored gaze down, where Tobi and Kisame were hyperventilating on the ground_. 'Um, okay, that's odd...but then again, it's Kisame and Tobi.'_

"So anyways..." the orange-haired leader continued, "Konan and I will go to Kishiko's house and capture her EFFECTIVELY, so while I'm gone...Tobi's in charge."

A certain blonde joined the two hyperventilating on the bumpy ground, nearly tearing out his hair. Itachi fainted, falling off his finger with a dramatic 'oomph'. Zetsu's dark half sent out a stream of...well, dark curses, while his white half bit his lip. Sheesh, Pein was just throwing shocking words everywhere that day!

"Tobi...in...charge?" Deidara said slowly, regaining his consciousness after passing out momentarily. Pein nodded. "Are you TRYING to kill everyone here?!"

Pein shrugged and responded, "Possibly. Good luck with that, and TOBI GET YOUR TEMPORARY LEADER ASS UP HERE NOW!"

Tobi hopped up loyally next to his leader and flashed the peace-sign at everyone. "Tobi's gonna throw a BIIIIIG party! Itachi-san can be the decorater!!"

"No you're not, Tobi." Pein's voice was incredibly contained, but the deadliness was lathered thickly in his deep voice, and everyone there shuddered instinctively. "I expect you to run this base carefully, and let me get one thing straight now; **DON'T LET GAI IN THIS BUILDING SLASH CAVE SLASH HIDEOUT FOR ANY REASONS WHATSOEVER**."

Tobi nodded vehemently and Pein disappeared a puff of smoke, leaving the rest of the Akatsuki to recover from their initial shock.

)(In the middle of a forest, Kishiko's POV)(

I readjusted the purple towel on my shoulders and cast another wary glance over at Kakuzu, who was counting another stack of his endless supply of money. I sighed and snatched some of his moolah, making him pout.

"Ah, don't be the miser that you clearly are, 'Kuzu; all I want is some money so I can buy some pocky, jeez," I protested and he mumbled incoherently under his breath.

As we came closer to our destination, I flipped through my personal stack and fingered a particularly-crisp 50, brushing a lock of charcoal-black hair out of my face. 'Kuzu was now holding the remainder of his cash to his chest protectively, and I laughed.

"Sheesh 'Shiko, how long will it take to reach this stupid lake? We're missing precious soap-opera-watching time here!"

I shrugged and then a triumphant grin popped up on my face. I declared, "Here we are!"

Kakuzu's jaw crashed through the ground as both of our eyes rested on the pristine, impossibly-clear lake in front of us. The surface was shimmering like diamonds in the afternoon light, and I sighed contently.

"This is what I've been looking for...for three years. Supposedly, this is the most serene and cleanest lake in the world, and no living human being has any IDEA where the hell it's located. Do you realize how freaking lucky we are?!"

Kakuzu was silent for a moment, then grinned sadistically. "Hell yeah! I could make a fortune gathering tourists here, and not to mention--"

He was oh-so-rudely interrupted by my fist colliding with the side of his head violently, in a Sakura-and-Naruto-like fashion. I yelled furiously, **"YOU BLEEPSTARD! NO FUDGING TOURISTS ARE GOING TO FIND OUT ABOUT THIS FRIGGIN' LAKE, SO GET THAT STUPID IDEA OUT OF YOUR CHEAP HEAD BEFORE I HAVE TO BEAT IT OUT!"**

'Kuzu whimpered and sidestepped hastily away from me, clutching his precious money even closer. I smiled innocently.

"Now 'Kuzu...let's go swimming!!"

He shot me a look that I shrugged off and dropped my towel on the ground, taking a deep breath. If I wanted to make an effective cannonball, I would at LEAST have to have more air in my lungs than I actually needed.

I got a running start, jumped, and right as I was over the lake, I shouted, "STRING BEANS!"

As I crashed into the lake, I felt an unfamiliar presence heading towards us. Well, unfamiliar presence(s), I should say. I resurfaced, spluttering water, and noticing that Kakuzu was gone.

"What the cabbage?" I complained, climbing out and pouting. I was so not in the mood to find him watching some more expensive soaps--on MY television! "'Kuzu, you'd BETTER NOT BE SPENDING MY MONEY ON THOSE TELEVISED PEOPLE!"

I snatched my towel off the shore and stomped in the direction of my house, wanting a nice, warm, steaming bowl of...Cheetos. Suddenly, I was thrown over someone's very uncomfortable shoulder, and yelped.

"Dude, don't you know it's rude to throw strangers over your shoulder without permission?" I shouted, taking a big bite out of the person's black cloak.

Wait...black cloak...

OH COME ON!

"Dammit!" the person yelled, slapping the back of my head rudely. "Let go!"

"Mevva!" I mumbled in between not-so-tasty bites of Akatsuki cloak, wanting to seriously rip my tastebuds out and put them in a jar to put in a museum. Then everyone could see how badly they were tortured by the disgusting flavor of cloak! "Mou met me mo!"

The Akatsuki person-dude threw me onto the ground, and I spit out his--or her, or heher-- cloak.

"Gross, man. When's the last time you put some taco flavoring in your cloak?" I protested, getting up and chewing on a random tree branch.

"Nooo! Lemme go! I don't wanna dieeeeeee!" the tree branch screamed from within my mouth, but I munched on contently, ignoring the screams of pain as the tree was settled down into my tummy lava.

"So, whaddya want? Are YOU here to take me like Elvis?" I asked, looking over the man whose cloak I had unfortunately tasted, and his female sidekick, Flower Girl. "Before you do that, though, GO TELL KAKUZU TO STOP SPENDING ALL MY...SPENDING MONEY ON SOAP OPERAS!"

Kakuzu came bursting through the trees at our secret code, brandishing a...

Marshmallow?

"BACK AWAY FROM THE GIRL! I'VE GOT A DANGEROUS MARSHMALLOW, AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!" Kakuzu cried, aiming the poor marshmallow at the man and newly-named Silent Flower Girl. "WELL?!"

"Kakuzu..." Uncomfortable Shoulder Man sighed. "That's just a marshmallow."

"A DANGEROUS MARSHMALLOW!"

I slapped my forehead. "'Kuzu, I've told you time and time again you need to use a dangerous POPSICLE! GOD, DO YOU EVEN LISTEN TO THE LESSONS?!"

Kakuzu blinked, slowly lowering the marshmallow. "Um...if I say no, will you hit me?"

"Yes."

"Of course I've been listening to the lessons!"

"Oh?" I tested. "What was the last one about then?"

"Err..." Kakuzu started. "Um...why George Bush should fall in a vat of steaming barbeque sauce?"

"Hmm...you have been listening," I mused, shaking my head. "We'll discuss this later."

"Hello?!" USM (Uncomfortable Shoulder Man) cried. "I'm here to take you back. Now stop being an idiot and come with us! Kakuzu, you too."

Kakuzu and I linked arms, wearing goofy grins. "We're not idiots...we're SMIDIOTS!!"

"Smidiots?" USM argued, raising an eyebrow dubiously.

"Smart Idiots..." Silent Flower Girl explained...silently, and USM glared at her.

"I knew that..."

"Nuh uh," I said. "If you knew that, then why did you--"

"Shut up!" USM interrupted, slamming his hands over his ears. "Shut up, shut up, shut up! Why won't you ever shut up!"

I smirked triumphantly and replied smoothly, "Well, why don't you ask all your other members who epically fail at life that question? Hmmm?"

USM banged his head against a tree. The same tree whose branch is sitting in my tummy lava right about now.

"That's the problem with all you humans!" the tree complained. "First you take my baby, then you have the NERVE to hit your head up against my pregnant belly?! UGH!"

We all blinked at the grumbling tree, slowly backing away.

"Alright, no one mess with the pregnant talking tree..." Kakuzu warned, shaking his head. I nodded, and shared a look with Kakuzu. While USM and Silent Flower Girl were distracted, we bolted back to the house, locked the door--all two hundred sixty-seven of them--and began to watch Days of Our Lives contently, while I made popcorn covered in soy sauce.

"Ah, the age old trick," I sighed, dipping a piece of popcorn in soy sauce and eating it happily. "It was lucky that pregnant talking tree came in on the conversation."

"Made our escape a whole lot easier," Kakuzu agreed.

"^_^" I said. Kakuzu looked at me weirdly.

"What the hell did you say?"

"^_^"

"Um...weirdo."

"-.-"

"Oh great, now you're responding with emoticons?"

"=P"

"Stop that!"

"=3"

"CUT IT OUT!"

"XD"

"...Gawd, you're a psycho."

";)"

Kakuzu just shook his head and we watched Days of Our Lives in peace, completely forgetting about the dumb ol' Akatsuki.

I smirked, turned to the invisible audience, and said, "I guess the Akatsuki just can't compare to my righteousness."

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**Me: And there you have it, folks. The last chappie of BMA. Yes, I got "righteousness" and "what the cabbage" from Cartoon Network's newest...cartoon, Adventure Time with Finn and Jake. xD Comments, questions, haten' on my righteousness? Click that little green-and-white button down there and type away, baboons!**

**Adieu.**

**~Peachuz =3**


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